Attachment Systems 101
So much of our lives are built around our relationships. Our connections with family, friends, coworkers, and even with ourselves shape how we move through the world.
On the other hand, our early experiences with relationships can also influence our perspectives and impact how we interact with others. According to attachment theory, our relationships with our caregivers creates a blueprint for how we function with other people (and ourselves) for the rest of our lives.
Ideally, the family system fosters a secure attachment between child and caregiver. However, due to a variety of factors, this is not always the case. Here, I’ll touch on the insecure attachment systems that can contribute to issues in relationships.
Types of attachment systems
Attachment systems aren’t diagnoses like anxiety or depression. Rather, they are meant to outline common frameworks for how a person might relate to others.
While each person’s experience is different, there tend to be similarities for people who have experienced similar attachment systems. Here’s a breakdown of the three types of insecure attachment.
Anxious (preoccupied) attachment
People who have anxious or preoccupied attachment patterns tend to concentrate their focus on the other person in the relationship, whether they’re a parent, partner, or friend. These individuals crave closeness to feel safe with others, often feeling unstable when they feel the other is upset or distant.
People with anxious attachment often have a difficult time soothing themselves or even feeling reassured by others they care about. They may also struggle with self esteem, often worrying that they are not “good enough” for the people around them.
Avoidant (dismissive) attachment
Unlike people who have anxious or preoccupied attachment patterns, those with avoidant or dismissive attachment tend toward emotional distance in relationships. They highly value their independence, sometimes to the point of pushing others away.
With avoidant attachment systems, it may feel unsafe or impossible to get close to others. This breeds a desire for autonomy and control in relationships, and people with avoidant attachment may feel threatened by others getting too close to them.
Disorganized (fearful avoidant) attachment
In disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment, people engage in both anxious and avoidant patterns. Theories suggest that this attachment system is formed when children have an intense fear of their caregivers.
In relationships later in life, people may still feel triggered by certain relationship dynamics, even if no real threat exists. This can leave people longing for comfort from others while also wanting distance to keep themselves emotionally safe.
Holistic psychotherapy can help you learn more about your relationship patterns
The type of attachment system you were raised in doesn’t have to define you. I offer holistic psychotherapy in Vermont that focuses on how you relate to others and yourself. In therapy, you can understand more about your attachment patterns and learn how to and cultivate the relationships you truly want.
If you’re interested in learning more about how therapy can help, I encourage you to schedule your free consultation. I look forward to hearing from you!
*Attachment systems is the clinical term for the more popular term attachment style