How to Make Behavior Changes That Stick: A Holistic Approach

As a therapist, I often work with people seeking to create lasting change in their lives. Some seek to shift health habits or make lifestyle changes, while others seek to improve communication, connection strategies, or relationships. While the specifics of desired change can vary greatly, the basics are the same: behavior needs to change.

You likely know the feeling of embarking on a new goal— exercising regularly, eating healthier, or being more present in relationships— you start inspired, energized, and with all the resolve needed to make this change permanent. But then, the enthusiasm fades over time, your schedule gets full, and life demands more energy and attention for other things. Over time, your commitment and capacity to this new goal fade. Before long, you are back somewhere near where you started, though you are now feeling more discouraged and disempowered. We've all been there, and it can feel hopeless sometimes to change behavior permanently. However, some key concepts and strategies can help you make sustainable behavior changes!

One of the most essential things to understand when it comes to successful behavior change is understanding that our minds, bodies, and emotions are all interconnected. Change doesn't just happen by forcing willpower or adopting a rigid routine. Lasting transformation requires a deep, holistic approach that engages our conscious and unconscious parts. Check out the strategies and tools below to learn more about how you can make behavior changes more successful and sustainable:

Connect to Your Why – Beyond Surface Goals

When we set goals, we often focus on external goals or motivators. Some common examples are: "I want to lose weight," "I want to get more sleep," or "I want to stop procrastinating." While these goals capture something about what we want, they aren't the whole story. When striving to make lasting behavior changes, diving deeper and understanding their emotional or relational reasons is crucial. Why do you want this change? What will it create for you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and in your relationships? In other words, what are the more profound ways this will positively impact your life?

Practice: Take a few minutes each morning to sit quietly and ask yourself, Why is this change significant to me? Write down your thoughts. Consider how this change aligns with your values and long-term goals. Journaling can strengthen this connection and reinforce your commitment to this goal.

Start small by committing to reflecting on your "why" for just a few minutes each day. Gradually build this into daily practice, taking more time to reflect on your goals' emotional and relational aspects.

Honor Your Body's Wisdom

We must consider the connection between our mind and body to change behavior. Often, we try to change behaviors on a physical level without considering the messages our bodies send through the behavior we seek to change. For example, you may be trying to quit smoking. Without recognizing that your body seeks this behavior to manage a heightened state of stress, you won't have the insight necessary to address the root cause of the behavior. Without that complete picture, it's harder to break the habit because your body is associating the cigarette with relief.

Practice: Take time regularly to engage in simple body-awareness practices. Some good examples are mindful breathing or progressive muscle relaxation (here is a short example). When you feel stressed, pause to notice where you hold tension in your body and consciously release it.

Start small by committing to 3-5 minutes of daily body awareness practice. Gradually increase the time as you build the habit. A good strategy for sticking with this is to integrate it into your existing routines, such as before meals or when you wake up.

Set Realistic and Compassionate Goals

Burning out on our goals is a real experience for many of us regarding behavior change. Usually, this happens because we have tried to overhaul our behavior and lifestyle before we are ready completely. You can think of it as going straight to the heaviest weights at the gym when you haven't been working out for a while. Instead of getting a good workout and building strength, you will likely get injured and delay achieving your goals.

Instead of setting lofty goals that feel impossible, break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. Each time you reach a small milestone, celebrate your progress. An example would be turning " I want to lose ten pounds" into " I want to exercise three days this week." Smaller, more short-term goals can be easier to succeed at. Over time, this builds self-efficacy and reinforces your belief in your ability to change.

Practice: Use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to break your larger goals into smaller, actionable steps. Going back to the example above, use a SMART goal to get even more specific and focused: instead of aiming to exercise every day for an hour, start by committing to 10-15 minutes three times a week.

Start small by setting one SMART goal for the week. Once you've achieved that, gradually increase your commitment. Celebrate each small success to build momentum. You can incorporate a check-in on goals into your journaling practice to help you further reflect on and reinforce your success.

Create Supportive Relationships

Relationships can be a great support system and place of encouragement. Of course, it is essential to ensure you rely on healthy relationships when seeking such support from them. (Check out my relational healing courses to see if this is an area you'd like some support with.) Change is not a solitary endeavor; supportive relationships—whether with a partner, friend, therapist, or mentor—can make all the difference in staying on track.

Practice: Regularly check in with a friend, family member, or therapist to discuss your progress. Accountability partners can help you stay motivated and offer perspective when challenges arise.

Start small by reaching out to one person you trust and asking them to support your journey. Plan a time each week to connect, even if it's a brief conversation. Over time, this support system can expand as you develop your goals and progress.

Develop Healthy Routines That Nurture Your Whole Self

It's hard to do good if we don't feel good. Our environment, daily routines, and self-care practices all impact how we think and feel in our bodies, affecting our ability to build good habits and sustain behavior change. Establishing routines that nourish your body, mind, and soul is a key ingredient in changing behavior for the long term.

Practice: Incorporate small but nourishing self-care rituals into your daily routine, such as a morning meditation, a healthy breakfast, or a 10-minute walk. Pay attention to what activities truly energize you and determine what nourishes you. Such self-care practices can help you build resilience, feel good, and support other changes you're working on.

Start small by adding one new self-care practice to your routine—perhaps a 5-minute morning stretch or drinking water upon waking. Once this becomes a habit, gradually incorporate other practices that nurture your mind and body. These self-care practices are another thing that may be helpful to reflect on through journaling since you can take note of the positive impact these changes are having, which will reinforce your sticking to them and making the more significant changes you seek.

Embrace Patience and Flexibility

One of the most important aspects of making behavior changes that stick is embracing patience and taking a "long view." Change isn't linear or quick. There will be days when you feel motivated, and others don't. Know that this is normal and okay. What matters is your ability to stay connected to your life vision and approach each day with flexibility and grace. This perspective will allow you to stick with your plan over time, even if you temporarily get off track.

Practice: Create a daily affirmation or mantra to remind yourself that change takes time. Sayings like "Every small step is progress" or "I trust the process of transformation" can inspire and remind you that change is a journey. When setbacks arise, repeat this affirmation to cultivate patience. You may even want to write it somewhere you see throughout your day.

Start small by practicing this affirmation once a day, ideally in the morning. When setbacks happen, gently remind yourself of your mantra to shift your mindset back to compassion and patience.

Conclusion

Making lasting changes that support your health and happiness may not be easy, but it is worth the work! Changing longstanding behavior is a profoundly personal journey requiring a holistic approach that integrates mind, body, and relationships. You can create lasting change and improve your life by connecting to your deeper motivations, honoring your body's wisdom, setting realistic goals, cultivating supportive relationships, nurturing your whole self, and embracing patience.

Remember to start small. Build momentum with each step; gradually, the changes will become part of who you are. Transformation is not about perfection—it's about growth, healing, and the commitment to becoming the best version of yourself.

If you're ready to embark on this journey of change, remember that you don't have to do it alone. Support from friends, family, community members, or a therapist can help you develop the tools and mindset needed to make behavior changes that are both sustainable and deeply fulfilling.